Dear White Friends

People: Are you ok? Do you want to talk?

Me: I appreciate you for asking, I’ve been up and down for weeks. No, I don’t want to talk, yet. This is why.

The public death by strangulation (lynching) of George Floyd by the knee (rope) of a policeman was a reminder to all black people of our history and the brutalisation of our people by white men with power, influence or in public office. But not for a long time has death by cop been so visually animalistic and predatory, soundtracked by the pleas of both victim and passers-by for George’s soon-to-be-ended life. The brutality of his killing started a global outpouring of emotion that has finally lead to the very public acknowledgement of the existence of racism in our society.

These past few weeks I have cried nearly every day, several times some days, as mental scars both old and current have been stimulated. I think about my legally-trained brother’s Stop and Search by armed police in London Heathrow airport departures. He challenged it, to be told the stop was for “wearing a hat and having no luggage.” Or his wrongful incarceration on a university night out for running away from an unprovoked attack. I think about my lived experiences, littered with racially focused micro-aggressions and flat-out racism. I think about the alternative outcomes continually inflicted on my Black brothers & sisters.

You posted the relevant content on social media, so now I know that you know racism has been wound into the very fabric of our society and the institutions that govern our lives. So I ask. What are you going to do about it?

Here’s how I think you get started.

Check your white privilege. I say that with kindness because it’s the quickest path to success on your journey. Your white privilege has allowed you, until now, to go through life without thinking about the structural and systemic racism within society and how it impacts your life.

Don’t be a generic Boomer. Blissful in their social ignorance. Go listen to, and learn from, black and minority people. Expand and diversify your influences. When you become aware of your privilege, use it to amplify their voices as you listen so you and your social circles understand how to combat racism. It has quickly become unacceptable to be ignorant about your role in eradicating racism from our society.

Use the huge swathes of available resources to understand why talking about racism feels uncomfortable at times. Learn why it can sometimes feel you’re being personally attacked as you really start to hear. Understand the allocation of resources, life opportunities and what is being taken away from who. And most importantly, learn how to be ANTI-racist.

I know some of you already know this. But looking at how few friends have reached out to me and my four siblings these past few weeks, I’m reminded that a lot of white people have problems talking about racism. And you may not have realised this until now but you have a part to play in the Black Lives Matter movement if you are actually my friend.

What I can’t handle right now is a conversation with a white person telling ME about racism — I’ve lived it my entire life — or having to debate or tolerate someone’s misunderstood opinions. What I welcome is a conversation with someone who doesn’t need to offload (consciously or subconsciously) their guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, frustration etc. coz I got myself plenty of emotions to handle already, thanks. If you’re not there yet, that’s cool. I’ll wait. But make no mistake, it’s now on you to get there.

But know this.

You don’t get there by simply reaching out to your black contacts to ask them for all the answers. That’s selfish. That’s your white privilege showing again.

Don’t put the burden of responsibility on your black friends to teach you. Go and educate yourself and then share what you learned from listening to other black voices because that’s where your journey starts. Too few white people are sufficiently informed on racism to properly teach you at the moment but you can be part of that change. As you learn, share your newly-found knowledge with your white friends. Share it with me and maybe I’ll learn something too.

It will take some of you longer than others to make meaningful progress. You need to get it wrong before you learn how to get it right. Don’t flake out at the first sign of discomfort, no black person has never been afforded that luxury so keep your privilege in check and keep learning.

If my words mean some friendships are no more that’s a price I’m willing to pay. I will not apologise for taking this stance. I will not compromise in my fight against racism and neither will you. If you are my friend you must also be my ally.

Friends lean on one another through times of crisis. Black people are in crisis. I am in crisis now. I have been in this crisis all of my life.

So now you know.

So now you know what to do, my friend x